Tip the Tables
by DissociativePsychopath
Summary: TMHP. Voldemort's winning the war. The Light side's losing horribly, so they send the Savior back in time to tip the tables back in line. Rating will definately go up. Read and Review.


Hey everybody! Okay, this is the first story I've written in quite some time, so I hope all goes well!

And here's my disclaimer for the entire story. It applies to every chapter: The Harry Potter book and/or movie series, and anything within them do not belong to me in any possible way.

But _Tip the Tables_ is mine.

Tip the Tables

Chapter One: Start With a Plan

'It was just a little girl…'

Exactly.

It was just a little girl with a stupid idea. It was a childish dream, a first-grader's description of an amazing plan. To a seventeen year old man, it seemed like a pretty shitty sort of defense. We were in the middle of a war! A fucking war! How desperate were we to use an eleven year old's suggestion?!

'I think it's a wonderful idea,' Hermione had said, 'The beginning is absolutely brilliant.'

Yeah, alright, Hermione, I was thinking it was kind of good, too, provided it worked at all! And then where's the rest of it? Where's the fucking _plan_? Where's the part that we go in and zap him dead with a nice _avada kedavra_? When do we torture him crazy with a well placed _crucio_? Can I hang him? Can I drown him? When the FUCK do I get to dance to the tunes of the prophecy and KILL THAT MAN?

'You're the spy, Harry. You can be the manipulator. If worst comes to worst, then you can be the assassin. But only at the absolute end, Harry. Only when you know that that was all you could do, and you're on your back with nothing left to attempt.'

Watch like a spy? Play the assassin? Fuck that idea. I wanted to be the hit man. I wanted to go in with a .44 and get him in the ass!

I want to watch you go down, Voldy! I want to see your face when the crazy maniacal death creatures try to drag you to hell!

I want to hear you scream _SO_ LOUD!

But that wasn't in the plan. No, no.

'Change his mind, Harry. Make him stop wanting to do these things.'

K, Hermes, now how do I do that?

'We can't decide the details. There are too many variables.'

Details? Baby, I'm asking for an outline.

'Maybe you could pair him up with some Hufflepuff. Give him a future that he can look foreword to. But you need to be close to him. You need to have a way of knowing all of the details of everything he does. We just need to see if this will work first. Harry, be careful. I'll see you soon…'

What a stupid plan. There was an iffy beginning, and if we got the spark started, there was still no fuel and not a breath of oxygen. So why had we decided to do it? Why had we taken such a crazy leap over the canyon?

…No idea, but it hurt like a bitch.

It was like being strapped to the bottom of a rollercoaster and grinded up into a fine powder later used for ammunition. I didn't like it very much, I can tell you, and so was very happy when the ride slowed down and I was pieced back together. I finally hit something solid and decided that it was a good time to open my eyes.

I had landed in perhaps the worst place I could have landed for what I was about to do. I was lying flat on my back in the middle of the Quidditch pitch with a full-blown practice in motion. It was Slytherin, and they seemed really into it – they had even gotten someone to follow their movements as though it were a game. It sounded as though he was mocking Gryffindor.

With a quick glance into the stands, I made sure to check that Headmaster Dippet wasn't watching the practice. How did I know what he looked like? _Come on_, I obviously did my research. I looked up all the information I could find on everyone going to Hogwarts at this time. The plan was really risky, and so I obviously had to be well prepared.

"OH, and Kornel JUST misses the snitch! Better catch up soon, Gryffindor! The Slytherins are getting impatient…"

Sounded like the practice was almost over. I picked up my pace to a jog and made my way quickly to the grand front doors of Hogwarts, glancing back worriedly at the pitch. I was supposed to arrive on the second day of school. It was either I was late, or their practice was early. I hoped it was the latter.

With a great sigh, I danced my way around the students and right up to one statue of a certain room-guarding gargoyle. It sneered at me – I grinned back.

"Hey," I said easily, "I'm here to see the Headmaster. I'm the new kid. You see, I showed up late because my portkey to London malfunctioned, and there really was no other way over, so I had to take a plane…er, a muggle form of transportation. My papers are all in order, you'll see, so can I go in?"

I guess Dippet had been listening on some magic intercom, or something, because, seconds later, the gargoyle turned and revealed a set of stairs. I went up them and knocked on the door.

"Welcome, my boy! I hear that you are the new student we've been expecting?"

The door opened and I walked in cautiously. There was no way he knew that I had been coming. He was probably just saying that to make himself sound wise. Looking for respect? Your records killed it, old man.

"Why, yes I am, Headmaster Dippet. I'm very sorry for my tardiness…"

"No worries, no worries, my boy! Just hand over your papers and we'll have everything in order within minutes!"

I handed over the papers Hermione had made up, but kept my eyes locked over the old man's right shoulder. I had Dumbledore's first plan firmly etched into my mind and a small frown of concentration, on my face.

"An orphan, this says? Are you going to be using the Hogwarts funds for your things, then?" his voice portrayed the fact that he did not want this at all.

"No, sir," I said roughly, patting my miniature vault in my pocket, "You'll find that my parents left me with a substantial amount of money. I've already acquired my things."

Dippet's face lightened considerably, "Very well, boy, very well!"

My eyes never left the spot over his shoulder. I saw him glance at me nervously a few times, but continuing to read all the while. This guy was persistent!

"Harry Potter, you say? Are you sure you've no relatives left?"

My lie came easily – it was practiced, after all. I had enough to remember without changing my name, too.

"No relatives, sir. I'm not directly related to the pureblooded Potters, you see. My last name comes from a muggle line."

He took that in quickly.

"Ah, I see…"

But his eyes didn't return to the paper. Curiosity getting the better of him, he followed my line of sight right over his shoulder. What an idiot – it was the oldest trick in the book. Heh heh…I would've done the same thing…

I yanked my wand out of my pocket at lightning speed and aimed it straight at his heart. There was a great burst of green light, and he fell to the ground with his eyes rolled back. My arm went completely numb and dragged my body into the chair behind me. There was a searing pain in one of my back molars, but I didn't call out for fear of being heard. It hurt everywhere for a split second, but then it felt good…really good. Mmmm…in fact, I was thinking of doing it again. It made me think of that time when I came back from Godric's Hollow, and Ginny tried to seduce me back. She had become a real bitch over the summer – the twins treated her like they treated Percy, and Ron was downright afraid of her. So I turned her down, but she didn't like that idea. Later that night, she snuck into my room…I was tied to the bedposts, what did you expect me to do? Headbutt her off and let her come back with a knife? No, I wasn't big enough for that. Godric's Hollow had drained me, and it was only my first night back, so I enjoyed it…

A sudden unimaginable burst of pure…_pleasure_ exploded from that back tooth. It was probably the best thing I had ever felt, actually. A little moan escaped my lips, and I looked up to see Headmaster Dippet hovering over me worriedly.

"Harry? Harry, are you alright? You look a little flushed…Do you feel any side effects to that spell?"

The sun was shining through the window, it was a beautiful day, and I was about to have an orgasm in front of my mentor. I wasn't about to say that, though.

'Yeah, it, er, felt good.' I answered hoarsely.

The pudgy man nodded in understanding, and stepped back to give me a little room. I crossed my legs awkwardly, and attempted to look normal as a flush crept up my neck.

I hung my head down and tried to concentrate on the full impact of what I had just done. Dark magic. I had just committed an insanely illegal crime. It was really hard to take it seriously, however, and another wave of pleasure washed over me to rid all shameful thoughts from my head. The outline of my professor blurred, and I tried to not do the most embarrassing thing in my life.

I had just shot Professor Dumbledore's soul out of the tip of my wand and into the body of Armando Dippet. It was Voldemort's spell – his most recent one, and a little bit of bile rose in the back of my throat at the thought of it. It hadn't been as difficult as we had all anticipated…it had been…been…

"Fuck." I squeaked quietly as I came in a burst of energy, "Nnnn…"

I looked up in complete embarrassment, sure that I was going to start crying at the utter thought of who I had just did that in front of. But it happened again. And again and again…and…

Truth be told, I kind of passed out.

-

About an hour later, I woke up to the idea of trashing Dumbledore's office again. After the kind of trauma I had faced earlier, you'd think he'd realize that I needed some time alone. But, no. There he was, hovering above me as I floated silently on a conjured up cot.

"When Armando appeared in his portrait, I set it on fire, as planned," he was saying, "Everything went according to what was supposed to, except I didn't expect that your reaction to dark magic would be quite like this…"

I must have looked pissed off. He looked worried.

"Harry, I'm sorry to not be giving you much time to think things through, but the stage one must be completed as soon as possible. After that, you have about…oh, thirty years, I'd say…"

Stage One: Distribute all souls into the bodies as planned. Everyone who was needed had been stored into my wand…Hermione, Ron, the twins…unfortunately, the spell would only work in another time if the souls had been condensed into my wand's maximum capacity. I had asked everyone…only Ginny was available.

'Choose a nice body, Harry, and you'll get what you deserve…'

She had been trying to seduce me, and I had been wondering idly what she'd have done if I had shoved her in Professor Slughorn's body, but…a bit of bile rose in my throat.

I'll give her a nice body, if only to keep her from getting too angry with me, but I'm keeping her away from all handcuffs. I'd like to keep my dignity, thank you very much.

"I'm very sorry if I'm pushing you to your limits, Harry, but you are going to be sorted at supper tonight."

In all reality, there were two plans combined into one: the little girl's simple _go back in time_ and Dumbledore's intricate ideas to get things really going. He was a brilliant man, really, but he really expected two much out of me.

"No problem, sir. The first part's the easy part.", the heart wrenching fact was that it was true, "Have you…?"

He pulled out something small and shiny and handed it to me. On the other side was engraved _Head Boy_.

"Congratulations, Harry Potter, on earning the title Head Boy. There seems to have been some complications of some form or the other, however, and the other Head for the year seems to have turned up male as well. A most rare occasion, but you seem to both fit the job descriptions. Your room is situated in a hidden hallway on the first floor, along with Tom Riddle's."

Perfect, the plan was going exactly according to format.

"Thank you, sir. I'll be sure to enjoy my privileges."

Stage One? On its way to completion. And as soon as I'm done, it's on to operation save the future.

Spy? Assassin? Screw the titles; it's intimidating enough as it is. And there's no way back…not for me, or my friends.

I looked up wearily and scanned the walls. Dippet's picture was easy to find – it was the one with the big hole in it.

Seeing it made me stop for a moment, and realize quite suddenly that I may possibly have just killed a man. I suppose it should have been some sort of life changing event – an eye-opener that sticks with you until the day you die. However, I found myself easily passing it by. It was all part of the plan, after all…and if I didn't fully agree with that, then I always had another, better excuse.

I mean, I've already killed Ginny, Ron, Hermione – hell, even Dumbledore! I think I've gotten used to the idea.

The means, on the other hand…well, I suppose every teenager has his embarrassing moments.

Chapter One Closing

Whew. And there's the first chapter. It's just an idea, I'm not sure if it's that good. I can't post it for another 48 hours…


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